Making habits is tough and breaking them is even tougher! You nurture those habits all your life, help them grow to their fullest potential and one fine day you realize you were doing it all wrong! You destroyed the full grown ‘tree’ of habit by using pesticides instead of manure. You are now compelled to change it.
That’s the process I am in right now.
I once started to meditate lawfully expecting my mind to calm a bit and my hyperactivity to rest for a few moments. And, one day, the narrator of the app ‘Headspace’ I used for meditating talked about the need to allow your thoughts to just flow without you trying to control them or resisting.
I loved the advice and thought of implementing it straight away and tried hard for my thoughts to just flow. But oops, I was in the same loop again! I am sure the ‘Headspace’ guy was never aware of such a problem!
It’s 1:34 AM already, and I have an exam tomorrow. It is strange that such nights of deep thoughts come only when you have an exam the next day. The situations need to learn the power of balance, I feel.
That’s where the problem begins! These feelings, the charioteers to my being, driving the thoughts with one hand and the action with the other. Why do these emotions and feelings have so much power, I wonder.
And, at the same time, I also wonder about the power that this power can have! Then, why is it that love is thought to be so shallow and lust to be negative and not inspiring? Why is it that just like lust, we have associated love with something bad. Why is the power of emotions given to fear and anger and not of our ability to love and feel loved!
Such a vast topic right? What can you possibly say about this? Maybe love is the conscious experience of the beautiful you EVERY MOMENT and maybe love is the infinity you feel in that one moment after a meaningful kiss. Maybe love is patience and love in an explosion of your being. Love is power and love is weakness! Love is feeling YOU in everything you love. Love is not just one person but love is loving and accepting every person who walks to your soul barefoot and I guess love is also the places you have walked barefoot, where you found yourself. It is beauty, darkness, passion, lust, desire and maybe just LOVE at the end.
Is there even an end? To the habits that remained unchanged, to the thoughts that remain thoughtful, to the feelings that remain powerful and to the love that remains YOU.
Is there an end to this loop?
Maybe I am again trapped in this never ending loop.
Where is the end?
– Manasvi Shah.